


(Don't Remember) That Rush of Joy

by mallardeer



Category: Power Rangers (2017)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 10:18:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10591974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mallardeer/pseuds/mallardeer
Summary: From way out here, the town is peaceful, though it’s still in the process of being rebuilt. And maybe, up here, it’s a little bit easier to think of it as home. But she still can’t let herself believe she belongs here. Or anywhere.Here is some Trini-related angst that came from nowhere. It's got a hopeful ending, don’t worry.





	

Saturdays belong to the team. No matter what crazy shit happens during the week with school or families or former friends, Saturday is their constant. The tedium of detention gives way to hikes through the quarry, to Zack’s train car and dinners of junk food and campfires. Billy’s fairly constant stream of chatter, Zack’s dumb jokes, Jason’s occasional objections, Kimberly’s tendency to start arguments—all of it has become so precious to her. It’s been a long time since she’s had real friends, and there’s a part of her that still feels like this can’t last. 

There’s a Saturday, a month after they saved the world, when the boys have fallen asleep around the fire—Billy, in an old camp chair, and Zack and Jason sprawled on the ground, Zack’s head on Jason’s stomach. Kimberly sits beside Billy, and Trini can’t tell in the firelight if she’s awake or a sleep. And suddenly it’s too much. The feelings she’s been trying to push down are threatening to break to the surface. It started that first damn time, when she took her water bottle and then hurled her over a cliff. Now every smile, every affectionate tug on her hair after training, every silly note passed back and forth in bio brings them that much closer. And it’s then, as she watches Kimberly for signs of wakefulness, that she realizes it’s gone too far. 

Heart racing, she gets up and moves into the shadows, her back to her team, and looks out over the town, willing herself to calm down. From way out here, the town is peaceful, though it’s still in the process of being rebuilt. And maybe, up here, it’s a little bit easier to think of it as home. But she still can’t let herself believe she belongs here. Or anywhere. 

Kimberly wakes with a start, forgetting for a moment where she is. She has Zack’s jacket draped over her, and she gratefully pulls it up around her shoulders. Her eyes adjust to the dim light, letting her see Billy asleep beside her, and Zack and Jason passed out on the ground, Zack using Jason as a pillow. A fond smile tugs at her lips, as she revels in the simple fact that these doofuses belong to her. And then she realizes Trini isn’t across the fire where she should be. 

It only takes a moment for her to find Trini’s shadow just outside the firelight, and she sighs in relief. She gets up and slips outside the circle, dropping down to sit beside her teammate. “Hey, crazy girl,” she says quietly. 

Trini starts, frustrated that she’s let herself be surprised, and she smirks a little to hear Zack’s nickname come so easily out of Kimberly’s mouth. She’s noticed—oh how she’s noticed—how easy, how familiar they all are with each other—and with her—and it’s everything she’s ever wanted; after the battle with Rita it was even easy for her to join in. But now, after a few weeks of mostly normal stuff, she can’t find her way back to that easy camaraderie. 

“Hey yourself,” she says, still staring straight ahead. 

“Something bothering you?” Kimberly asks, and Trini hears real concern in her voice and simultaneously appreciates and hates it. She doesn’t want—doesn’t need anyone worrying about her. Definitely not Kimberly. 

“Nope,” she says quickly, though she knows she won’t fool the other girl. 

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me,” Kimberly says softly. “But you can, if you want.” 

Trini sighs, and maybe it’s the lack of sleep or maybe it’s that it’s the first time someone has asked what’s wrong without demanding an immediate answer, but she finds herself saying, “She said I was like her,” and then clenching her teeth. That’s not what’s been bothering her at all—at least not lately. 

“Rita?” Kimberly guesses after a minute. 

“Yeah. She knew I was the outsider. She gave me that chance, to save myself, and I…thought about it,” she confesses, though she knows, really, it doesn’t matter. 

Kimberly puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. “But you didn’t. You came right to us.” 

Trini shrugs, then hopes the movement won’t cause Kimberly to move her hand. Then cringes when it does. “Only because I didn’t know where the crystal was,” she mutters darkly. And yeah, maybe the thing with Rita is still bothering her. 

“That’s not the only reason,” Kimberly argues, and Trini wants to believe her, but she’s so used to putting up walls that she explodes. 

“How do you know? You don’t know me. I mean, what is this? We do some ridiculous superhero shit together, and suddenly we’re all best friends?” Why is she doing this? Of course they’re all best friends; it’s exactly what they all wanted. But her feelings…they could ruin everything. 

“Yeah, Trini,” Kimberly says, irritated but trying not to show it. “That’s what happened. You’re ours, and we’re yours now. And no, I don’t know you, really, not yet. But I am trying to.” 

“Why?” Trini asks plaintively and clenches her fists. “Because of the team, right?” 

“Yeah,” Kimberly agrees, and Trini’s heart plummets. “But also because I like you.” 

Trini shakes her head, as tears sting her eyes, and Kimberly slips her arm around her waist. “You like me?” Her voice is barely a squeak, and oh god, it’s horrible, but Kimberly is carefully drawing her closer. 

“Yeah, crazy girl,” Kimberly laughs, as if it should be obvious, but Trini knows better than to take anything for granted, anything at face value. 

She sighs, feeling some of her fears ease their grip, and lets her head fall to Kimberly’s shoulder. “Come back around the fire. It’s warmer,” Kimberly urges, but Trini can’t make herself leave the protective darkness. 

And instead of going back to the fire, Kimberly stays with her, wrapping Zack’s jacket around both of them. 

 

They all wake up in the cold light before just dawn, yawning and stretching and arguing over who owes who coffee and donuts. As they tramp back toward town, Trini hangs back to hand Zack his jacket. “What’s eating you, crazy girl?” he asks, and Trini rolls her eyes, but then sighs and fixes him with a look that stops him in his tracks. 

“I’m in trouble,” she says, and he frowns. 

“What?” he asks, but she just turns and looks at Kimberly and Jason, laughing together, as they scramble after Billy. He follows her gaze, and pretty soon everything clicks. “Oh,” he says, and he puts his arm around her shoulders. “Your donut’s on me today,” he tells her with a smile, and she rolls her eyes but laughs at him and lets him guide her back down the trail. 

Zack’s not sure Trini’s in as much trouble as she thinks she is, so he takes it upon himself to confirm his suspicions. He even makes a couple of appearances at school. And when he looks, when he really looks, he sees exactly what Trini can’t let herself hope for. 

That next Saturday, she’s the first one at the campsite, and he greets her eagerly. “Trini! I got some news,” he says, grinning widely, and she laughs but nods expectantly. “You’re not in trouble, crazy girl,” he whispers, and she stands stock still. 

The other three arrive seconds later, in a loud roar of freedom and celebration, ready to begin their Saturday rituals, and she refuses to think about what Zack has said. 

Much later, when everyone has fallen asleep around the fire, she leaves the circle again. Unlike last time, Kimberly follows her pretty much immediately. “Do you ever sleep up here?” she asks. 

“Not really,” Trini admits. “Still can’t really believe any of this.” 

“Yeah. It’s wild, huh.” 

“Not the power ranger stuff,” Trini says quietly, and then Kimberly’s arm is around her. 

“Yeah, the five of us liking each other is also pretty wild,” Kimberly says, with a laugh that Trini finds herself sharing. “Hey, do you know what’s up with Zack? He has been, like, following me all week.” 

Trini groans inwardly. Why did she tell Zack, of all people? “No idea,” she says shortly. 

Kimberly chuckles. “Well, he’s a mystery, that one.” 

“Yeah,” Trini agrees, smiling. 

“You okay? Seems like something’s been bothering you all week too,” Kimberly says, with studied casualness. She gently turns Trini’s head so she can look at her, and Trini finds herself caught in Kimberly’s gaze. 

She wants to answer her, she really does, but she doesn’t have the words—she never has the words. All she can do is meet Kimberly’s eyes and hope she understands. It only takes a few moments, and then she, apparently, does. Her mouth goes round in the shape of an ‘o’ but she doesn’t say anything, and Trini feels herself teetering on the edge of a cliff. Just when she’s sure she’s ruined everything, Kimberly leans forward and carefully, gently kisses her. 

The kiss is everything Trini has never let herself want, soft and tender and full of feeling. She kisses back, and Kimberly hums happily, and then suddenly it’s too much—too real, too easy to lose. She pulls away and jumps to her feet. “Trini?” Kimberly asks, bewildered, but she can’t explain. 

“I’m sorry. I have to go,” she mumbles, and then flings herself headlong down the trail. 

Kimberly is too stunned to go after her or even yell at her to stop. Dazed, she draws her knees up to her chest and sits alone for the rest of the night. 

The boys wake up as usual when the sky starts to get light. “Where’s Trini?” all three of them ask, looking around, and she blows out a frustrated breath. 

“Probably just woke up early,” she shrugs, and Billy frowns, but Zack and Jason appear to accept that bogus excuse. 

“Donuts are on Jay today,” Zack proclaims, and they’re laughing and arguing easily with each other, and Kimberly can’t find a way to join in. 

Eventually, when Billy starts heading down the trail, Kimberly gets up and tugs on Jason’s arm. “I kissed Trini,” she confesses urgently, and Jason blinks. 

“Okay,” he says, making an admirable effort to cover his surprise. Then he actually thinks about it for a minute, and the surprise basically disappears. “Is that why she’s not here?” 

“Yeah,” Kimberly says, her voice small, and Jason hugs her. 

“You can’t be that bad at kissing,” Zack tries to joke, but Jason glares at him. He sighs and puts his arm around her shoulders. “She likes you, Kim.” 

“Yeah,” Kimberly snorts, hating how stupid she feels. “That’s why she ran screaming into the night when I kissed her.” 

“Just give her some time,” Zack counsels, and Jason finds himself nodding in agreement. So she lets the boys buy her donuts and coffee and tries not to feel like the biggest idiot in the universe. 

It doesn’t really work. Plus, she’s never been particularly patient. 

 

It’s easy enough to slip out of her house and jog down the mountain to Trini’s once her parents have gone to bed. Even easier to scale the side of Trini’s house and pull herself into her bedroom window. However, she is immediately tackled to the floor, ending up flat on her back with Trini straddling her waist, fist raised. 

“Jesus!” they both spit at each other, and Trini gets up, letting Kimberly flip to her feet. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Trini demands, her heart pounding. 

“I have no idea,” Kimberly says angrily. She can’t tell who she’s angrier at, Trini or herself. 

“Well, feel free to leave the way you came in.” 

“What the hell, Trini? I thought we—” 

“There’s no we, okay? You can just drop it.” Trini is furious with herself for acting like this, for rejecting Kimberly, who looks so utterly heartbroken, but she can’t get out from around the walls she’s built. 

“I’m not going to drop it,” Kimberly says stubbornly. “I’m sorry I kissed you if it’s not what you want, but please don’t treat me like this.” 

That simple request breaks through a barrier in her. “Of course it’s what I want,” Trini says quietly, and falls onto her bed. 

Kimberly stands in front of her, not sure if she can sit beside her, not sure how to navigate anything about this. “Then what’s wrong?” she asks. 

“Why do you care?” Trini says before she can stop herself, and Kimberly throws up her hands. 

“I don’t know. Do I have to have a reason? Yeah, we got thrown together by some ridiculous alien superhero shit, but I just like you. Why is that so hard to understand?” She wishes she hadn’t let herself get frustrated; letting her guard down is obviously hard for Trini, and Kimberly is only making it worse. 

Trini knows she’s being a petulant pain in the ass, but she also knows Kimberly isn’t leaving. She’s got her arms crossed over her chest, and she looks pissed, but she’s still here, waiting for Trini to say something. 

“Are we ever going to understand each other?” Trini worries, and Kimberly barks a laugh. 

“Maybe if we stop being so defensive,” she suggests, softening a little. 

“Old habits, right,” Trini mutters, and Kimberly smiles. 

“How can I convince you that we’re not going to bail? That I’m not going to bail?” she asks, and Trini just shakes her head. “Well, I’m not, okay? Unless you actually say, ‘Leave me alone.’” 

“Okay,” Trini says quietly. She reaches for Kimberly’s hand and hesitantly tugs her toward the bed. 

Kimberly sits beside her cautiously. She’s still not sure where the hell they stand. But Trini is holding her hand, and that’s good enough for now.


End file.
